Remember my "That game is what?" column, where I listed some of the most humorous Urban Dictionary definitions of various videogames to illustrate just how passionate, clever, and juvenile the internet community can be? Well I said I’d be back with more, so here’s round two. Again, I just tried to find the most radical opinions of some of the more popular games and game characters in recent memory, and then brought them here, unedited, for your amusement.*
Here’s what I found on my second quest into the dark abyss known as the internetz (entries left unedited for extra entertainment value – beware of profanity):
Super Smash Bros:
1 – The act of gangbanging a woman.
God of War:
1 – A game where Kratos seems to be the only real god since the other Gods die more often than mortals themselves..
Ninja Gaiden:
1 – "…Is too damned hard" is the end of that sentence..
2 – Overrated videogame developed by Tecmo for the NES. Following its release in 1988, the game went on to eventually attain enormous popularity amongst snerds and hardcore lamers alike..
3 – One of the Hardest games on X-Box that is impossible to beat..
Nintendo DS:
1 – A product that doesnt come close to PSP, grade is a D- where as a PSP is an A+
2 – A lame attempt by nintendo to revive their dying empire. People, nintendo is dead, move on.
PSP:
1 – PlayStation Portable: Sony’s Handheld PlayStatio-*battery dies*
2 – A status symbol for nerds with money to burn.
3 – Overrated handheld made by Sony. Drooled by Sony fanboys who only care about graphics, not gameplay.
4 – Almost a games handheld, but has so much packed into it, it took several scientists to realise that could play games.
Grand Theft Auto:
1 – The best thing to happen to videogames ever.
2 – Awesomeness
3 – The game that turns even the most intelligent and polite guys into angry fools as they scream about failing another mission involving shooting hookers and crack addicts.
4 – A game that people play to make themselves feel important when they aren’t. Highly overrated by the public. Winning awards it may have otherwise not have had it not been for the mass killing sprees and liscensed music involved in the game.
5 – The most overrated series of video games ever, because it allows nerds to look like big, bad, guys to be a criminal who steals shiny cars, kills hookers, and has sex, all in their imagination.
Everquest:
1 – A highly destructive psychological plague released by the neo-nazi affiliate, Verant. Symptoms of the virus include a brief sense of accomplishment followed by a rapid succession of worthlessness, the inability to function in a social setting, and permanent detrimental effects to one’s chances of getting laid. The only known cure is suicide, or Everquest II.
2 – The second most effective birth control method next to linux.
3 – Created by people just as lonely as the people who play it. You play a gnome, elf, fairy or (Imagine this) a man. Your goal is to loose your job, wife, family, money, ability to use muscles (Besides clicking fingers and wrists), and life to this game. Your character collects graphical swords and potions in a never ending quest to obtain level 99 status. If you do, you are transported (in real "life") 10 years into the future, with no idea how the outside world looks, or how the sun looks for that matter.
4 – Also known as EverCrack because of it’s incredibly addictive nature. Friends don’t let friends play EverCrack.
5 – Something that slowly withdraws you from ‘real’ life, in which your daily chores become a means to a never ending end – hence the ‘ever’ in quest. The more you play this game, the more it will strangle you. ‘Real’ life activities such as waiting for the bus will most likely entail vivid thoughts of what you’d do if you could catch a female dark elf in real life or perhaps weighing up whether or not to buy a mug that makes you more intelligent. Enjoyment does not come from the actual play of the game as it is extremely repetative, rather it comes from the immense sense of power you hold over ‘newbies’ or those of lower ‘level than you – Overall then, quite a decent computer game.
6 – It’s like crack for nerds.
Gears of War:
1 – The only game on the market that lets you curbstomp people.
Rock Band:
1 – Actually Drum Hero, but with Guitar Hero and Karaoke Revolution added for free..
Master Chief:
1- a faggot guy wearing a green costume. Everything is fake and all u losers out there obsesed with the game just face it, hes a faggot! he has a girlfriend who isnt even real, named cortana, who lives in his head! He’s a fag.
2 – The only person more badass than Spiderman, Superman, David Hasselhoff, Megatron, Optimus Prime, Batman, Goku, 50 cent, and Ryu COMBINED. And contrary to popular belief, he is also a mac-daddy pimp.
3 – A euphenism for a penis.
Call of Duty 4:
1 – The greatest alternative to sex, better than masturbation too.
2 – The most overrated game in the history of video gaming.
3 – The dstupidest game ever made
4 – The greatest game ever made. Ever.
Mass Effect:
1 – Gayest…Game…Ever!!!
2 – An evil game that will eat your soul if you try it. It is for the Xbox360, and it is Evil.
Peggle:
1 – To engage in sexual activity, esp. boinking.
2 – A peggle is a man who gives off the impression that he is slightly queer and flirts with girls at any opportunity in a girlish manner.
That’s all for episode two. You can expect more fanboyism and franchise hatred in the future, and remember kiddies, don’t drink and type – it makes you look like an ass.
*Disclaimer: The definitions in this column in no way represent the feelings of the author. If you would kindly direct your torches and pitchforks elsewhere, that would be greatly appreciated.
