E3 2011 provided a look into the next wave of video games for the next year. With new trailers, gameplay footage, and premiere announcements videogame fans everywhere have reason to rejoice. On the other hand, there is one group in particular that is dreading this onslaught of new adventures: our significant others. Here is a list of ten games that will ruin relationships in the coming year.
10. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D (3DS)
Anyone who has ever owned a Nintendo 64 played this all-time classic. With the core game staying intact and the addition of user-friendly features, every relationship will be put on hold as we dive back into our childhood. And because the 3DS is handheld, you can still sneak in thirty minutes under the dinner table on a date.
9. Madden 12 (360, PS3, Wii, PC)
There might not be any football for people to watch since the NFL is currently locked out. Instead, Madden 12 will sport more gameplay adjustments than ever before, most of which are aimed at the Franchise mode, to satiate that football fix. Yes, the franchise mode where you can build a dynasty that spans decades. If the NFL is going to be locked out, then there’s nothing that can stop this game from being a time-consuming, relationship-ruining Peyton Hillis.
8. Assassin’s Creed: Revelations (360, PS3, PC)
With an open world, improved multiplayer, and a compelling story, the 16th century is more inviting than ever. Even with a short(ish) story, Ezio still has to be stealthy and really, and I mean really, take his time for that one hundred percent completion. Just tell your partner you’re studying history — it’s kind of true.
7. Gears of War 3 (360)
If you own an Xbox 360, then you’ve battled through the Horde and eagerly await the conclusion to the Gears trilogy. The beta for the game has already sapped hours from players everywhere, so when the full game comes out, I expect nothing less. Expected to sell over a couple million copies, Gears 3 will answer the burning questions, mostly, “What is the deal with Marcus’ father?” You might as well chainsaw the ball and chain from your leg. You’re going to be very busy come this Fall.
6. Metal Gear Solid HD Collection (360, PS3)
With Metal Gear Solid 2, 3, and Peace Walker coming to the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3/PSP, there will be more than enough reason for nostalgic fans of the series to take the reins of Solid Snake once again. With some of the most memorable characters and boss fights ever, we’ll be sneaking around our partners for a little more Meryl.
5. Mass Effect 3 (360, PS3, PC)
Coming from the masters of RPGs, Bioware is finally getting ready to ship out their epic conclusion in 2012. One of the best sci-fi stories of our generation is finally coming to an end and we all have a role in deciding it. With stunning graphics, enhanced combat tactics (Kinect integration), and more decisions to make than ever, we have no choice but to put aside a relationship for the fate of the world.
4. Modern Warfare 3/Battlefield 3 (360, PS3, PC)
These AAA giants tie because I’m not going to be the one to draw the line between the top military shooters. Between Battlefield 3‘s jaw-dropping visuals and ear-stimulating explosions, and MW3‘s frantic multiplayer and Bruck-buster story mode, couch soldiers everywhere will be engaged in an epic struggle all winter. The bottom line is that prestiging is more important than romance. Stay frosty.
3. Diablo 3 (PC)
It’s the long-awaited and much delayed Diablo game. Need I say more? Dungeons, loot, and more loot await the gamers who have been checking the release incessantly for the past couple of years. Carpal tunnel syndrome will rise again once the infamous franchise makes its long-awaited return. We’ll be buying more jewelry than ever, but these rings debuff romance -20 points.
2. Star Wars: The Old Republic (PC)
Even though this game is not number one on the list, it’s probably the game I am looking forward to the most. If you’re in a relationship where your partner doesn’t “get” the Star Wars universe, then they’re about to “get” a rude awakening. We know how World of Warcraft consumes lives; I expect SW:TOR to do just as well. Don’t forget that everyone gets their own spaceship. Love will disappear faster than Luke’s hand.
1. Skyrim (360, PS3, PC)
There are literally hundreds of hours to play. There are dragons: gigantic, flying, fire-breathing dragons. There is never-ending loot to take and itemize. There is a whole Nordic world ready to be explored. If these things don’t make this game the worst thing for your relationship then I don’t know what else would be. Oh, wait a second, I do. If you have a child on the day the game releases (11/11/2011) and name it Dovahkiin (literally, “Dragon-Born”), then you get free Zenimax/Bethesda games for the rest of your life. This is the ultimate relationship killer.
