The gaming community welcomes creativy. It’s the backbone, the fuel, the creatine. The gaming community loves marketing. It’s the pipeline, the sprinkler, the seasoning. If ever there were a match looking for a flame, creativy and marketing would be the happy couple. Artistic communication exudes from their flowing fount and…
Can the metaphors, here’s the scoop. Sometimes, designers and marketing teams get awfully cute when naming their games. They say to each other, “Making this look and sound weird will set us apart, in a good way!” Wrong. The gimmicks are gutted and the bluffs have been called.
GamerNode has shackled together the three worst kinds of game-naming conventions and exposed the perpetrators for their crimes against diction, syntax, and multi-lingual decency. As a bonus, GN has awarded the most egregious offenders with entrance to the “I don’t even…” Hall of Fame, a liminal success at best. (Thanks to Wordle for generating the confusing word clouds.)
These distinctions have no bearing on the content of the games, which may or may not reflect their dubious, pretentious titles. Make no mistake, every moniker on this list is guilty of at least one, if not multiple, crimes against sobriety. Others may have escaped GamerNode’s watchful eye… for now.
The madness begins on the next page.
First are the misspellings. These brigands were bold enough to defile word composition with their own brand of wonky wordsmithery. Many fall prey to the wiles of an “Xtreme X” or a “Zany Z,” while others substitute letters for numbers or, worse yet, define an entire series of console or peripheral games with terrible disambiguations of commonly-used, positive-sounding words. One or two (just one) use so many fabricated names that they would even frighten tabletop gamers. These are the principle aggressors against (mostly) English.
Mizzpeling Marodders
Pinball FX2: MARS
Ar tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel
Tower Bloxx Deluxe
Yggdra Union
Traxxpad
Astro Bugz Revenge
Driv3r
Flowerz
Gorillaz Escape to Plastic Beach
Kinect (Adventures, Sports, etc.)
Left 4 Dead
MaXplosion
miCoach Interactive Training System
MotoHeroz
Nin2-Jump
Rappelz
Ryse
Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery EP
uDraw Studio
Wii U (Anything)
Xotic
Second are the capital offenders. These louses spit in the face of organized letter sizing, opting instead to blaze a miscreant trail in the capitalization landscape. Often seen with a little “in” or a big “EVERY LETTER,” they value visual bravado over nuanced subtlety. That, or they refuse to capitalize altogether, chanting their feelings on the “post-modern, conformist oppression of capital letters.” For the sake of our children’s proper nouns, they must be stopped.
caPitAlizaTION crooks
inFAMOUS (2)
RAGE
LIMBO
DiRT (2, 3)
nail’d
Halo 3: ODST
GRID
skate (2, 3)
AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! – A Reckless Disregard for Gravity
Adventure on LOST ISLAND: Hidden Object Game
Art Style (Boxlife, CUBELLO, light trax, ORBIENT, ROTOHEX, Rotozoa)
escapeVektor: Chapter 1
flOw
GUN
GunZ
HOARD
inSANE
MAG (2)
WipEout (Pulse, Pure)
Third are the punctuation punks. Perhaps the most numerous and widely varied of offenders, the game titles that scoff the loudest at restraint can often be found here. Many employ the classic “LetterDotLetter” approach, appearing larger, more important, and as “cart before the horse” acronyms. Others abuse exclamation points more than a tween texter and a deleterious few are even so bold as to question the consumer in the title itself. If there was any safe haven for our dots, tildes, and dashes, they’ve certainly destroyed it!!!
*Punc*tuation!-Pirates>()<
F.E.A.R. (1, 2, F3AR)
R.U.S.E.
Tom Clancy’s H.A.W.X. (2)
We Love Golf!
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. (Shadow of Chernobyl, Clear Sky, Call of Pripyat)
Rengoku II: Stairway to H.E.A.V.E.N.
1… 2… 3… KICK IT! (Drop That Beat Like An Ugly Baby)
Ape Escape Fury! Fury!
Boing! Docomodake DS
Bubble Bobble (Neo!, Plus!)
Dodogo! Challenge
Go! Go! Island Rescue!
Ivy the Kiwi? (Mini)
Just SING! (Christmas Songs, National Anthems)
Kingdom Hearts (358/2 Days, Re: Coded)
Pokemon Say Tap? BW
Retro/Grade
S.C.A.T.
Super Rub ‘a’ Dub
A collection of words could not accurately describe the villainy of these collections of words, especially because most aren’t even words. To say that the list is dominated by a Japanese influence would be charitable, but American and European developers also find a home on the all star team. Their crimes are many and their redeeming qualities few. These are the disgusting members of the “I don’t even…” Hall of Fame.
“I don’t even…” Hall of Fame
Soldner-X: Himmelssturmer
.hack/G.U. (vol.1/Rebirth, vol.2/Reminisce, vol.3/Redemption)
Furo Jump!!: Guilty Gear Gaiden!?
I MAED A GAM3 W1TH Z0MB1ES 1N IT!!!1
SaGa 3: Ruler of Space-Time – Shadow or Light
