My Horse and Me. If the name doesn’t grab your attention as something you’re interested in checking out from the get-go, then this game is not for you. Designed specifically for horse fanatics – and young girls – the DS version of Atari’s latest title is perfect fodder for people looking to argue that the DS is shying away from actual gamers.
From the very start of the game, you can tell it will have issues. On the opening screen you’re able to pick your language, and even the flags are disheveled and horribly done. For example, the American flag has stars all over the place, and I lost count but it’s certainly not 50. It’s a very small detail, but it’s just a snippet of what’s to come.
When you begin your career as a horse trainer/rider, you can pick your type of horse (white, black, brown, the kind with the brown spot) and then customize-to a degree-your trainer/rider. I say to a degree, because it’s very limited. For example, the customization of a female character involves choosing which color you want your ponytail to be.
After selecting and naming your horse, you can say your horse’s name into the DS microphone. It says it’s so that the horse can recognize your voice, but it really serves a much lamer purpose: calming the horse down. During an event, pressing the B button replays your voice and is supposed to calm your horse if it’s getting skittish.
Other than the B button, in events you have three other options: speed up, slow down, or jump. Using up and down on the d-pad you can basically shift your horse’s gear from walk to trot to gallop, and pressing A lets you leap over small fences and other obstacles on your way to winning events. That’s pretty much all there is to the gameplay aspect.
Outside of events (which let you increase your horses attributes to do better on better events and thus win more prizes), you can take care of your horse and feed it. Chores have never been more boring.
They all involve using the stylus in some gimmicky manner. Want to increase your horse’s trust and liking of you? Pet it by just sliding the stylus back and forth until it goes off. Want to clean its stable? Drag tiny piles of straw into a trash zone, then drag the new, clean straw back out onto the floor. Doing the in-between stuff takes a while, and it’s never fun.
There is one good thing with the game: the graphics. Not how it performs, but how it looks. Performance wise, you’re going to chug, lag, skip frames, and occasionally freeze up for a moment. But at least the models look good, right?
I’m sure there’s someone out there who would enjoy this game. Unfortunately, I can’t think of any off the top of my head. There’s little variety in the competitions, every aspect of the game is a bore to play, and all of the things that could be good never work well. Even as a budget title, My Horse and Me DS is an immense failure.
There are only two reasons to buy this game: to get a nice joke gift for a white elephant gift exchange, and to try and convince your daughter that having a pony will not be fun. I suppose if it can stop the constant begging for a pony, picking it up at $19.99 is a steal. Just don’t expect a fun game.
