What would we do without Tyra Banks? I sure wouldn’t have anything to watch while I bake muffins and water my flowers, that’s for sure. Along with her ever-present ability to entertain and define who we are as people, Tyra now wants to get to the bottom of an issue very serious for about 40% of her core audience: why boyfriends play videogames. The boyfriend (who is 23, not 13, as Tyra brilliantly points out) plays games. His girlfriend wants to know why, and what they mean. Rather than sit down and talk to him face to face like an adult, she brought him on Tyra Banks’ show. And rather than ask the man to explain himself, Tyra instead makes fun of the fact that he plays games at his age, talks to his bosses about games they’re playing, and generally comes off like an ass. But don’t worry, Tyra wants to help get to the bottom of why this man is still playing GAMES, so she brought in the "best expert for decoding Richard’s love of videogames": Morgan Webb.
Morgan tells us there are three types of gamer types that teach you about your man. The first type is fantasy fanatics. "Think Elves! And Orcs! And Romance! And epic stories!" Morgan then pisses off about a quarter of all gamers (and entertains the other 3/4ths) when she states, "I know grown men who have admitted to crying at Final Fantasy 7! And this is a silly game!" If you’re a fan of the fantasy games, that makes you sensitive and romantic. Playing fantasy games also means you’re desperate for a lady to be romantic with.
The next type is the warrior type; these are "your Halos, and Medal of Honors, and Counterstrikes!" These guys play Counterstrike alone in the bedroom, and like to shoot people and be active. It’s all about fighting, and the guys who play shooters are "fighting something in their selves, or think the world is unfair."
The third type is sports games enthusiasts, or "goal diggers." Morgan takes a moment to showcase her brilliant psychological skills when she asks Richard if he played sports. "Did you ever dream of being a professional?" she asks him. "Yes," he replies. She then tells him that playing sports games is him trying to be a hero still, and he needs to put the controller down.
Apparently his girlfriend wants to make Richard her hero, but all of the goals he’s accomplishing mean nothing in real life. Not wanting to be outdone on the amount of talking done, Tyra goes off on a tangent about how it would be nice instead of yelling "Touchdown!" at your game to have sex with a person you can touch.
In the end, Morgan and Tyra do their job and convince Richard to stop playing games as much, and to do normal things. "Don’t just say this ’cause you’re on TV ’cause I will come find you!" Tyra warns him. Normally that’s just an empty threat, but with Tyra you know she’ll hunt him down, skin him alive, and then eat his soul if he ever defies her.
Thank you, Morgan Webb and Tyra Banks. Thank you for making 25-40 year-old women across the country think even less of people who play games. (And a special thanks to you, Tyra, for most likely giving me nightmares for the next week. She looks like a monster!)
Just for fun, here are what some GN people said when they saw the video:
Chris: "Oh my god, Tyra looks like a monster. But what if I play all of these types of games? I have a split personality?"
Creighton: "30 seconds in…I hate the girlfriend and Tyra. It’s like they’re poking and prodding me."
Kyle: "I’d still hit it."
