I knew that my luck would have to change someday. After reviewing Zack & Wiki, Super Mario Galaxy, and Assassin’s Creed, I found myself staring into the beady little eyes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Zombie Ninja Pro-Am (ZNPA). This game regrettably contains neither zombies nor ninjas, and the only redeeming quality for this mess of a game are the non-gameplay portions of the disc’s content.
If you are not a fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, then there is absolutely no reason to ever play this game. I happen to enjoy the cartoon, so I managed to siphon a fair amount of enjoyment out of the game, mostly from the four episodes of the show (one never-before seen) that reside in the Extras section, and the between-level cutscenes (which play out like another episode).
As for the game itself, it boils down to a sub-par golf game, a crappy beat-em-up, and an atrocious golf cart racer all rolled into one. The story that attempts to unify this strange combination is that Frylock receives a letter of acceptance into a golfing club and Master Shake takes control of the entire situation, stealing their neighbor Carl’s car and heading out to play the most bizarre round of golf one could imagine.
Everything in ZNPA is as simple as can be. Players have the choice of a wood, two irons, a wedge, and a putter, but normally the point is just to hit the ball as far as possible without going off-course. After each shot, Shake and Frylock have to trek to the ball’s resting place, fending off an onslaught of nearly every character from the series. The next shot can only be taken once every foe has been defeated, which can be quite the task sometimes. The methods by which these hostiles are dispatched are largely ineffective, from Shake’s wild golf club flailing to Frylock’s slow and inconsistent eye blasts. This is arguably the worst part of the game, but actually makes up the majority of it.
Occasionally, players will find themselves racing golf carts around a particular course, trying to grab boosts and bazookas in hopes of finishing first. This is done while enduring poor controls and the most frequently repeated lines of dialog ever experienced. On second thought, maybe this is the worst part of the game.
The graphics in ZNPA are not good at all. It’s almost pointless to discuss its shortcomings in terms of frame rate, pop-in, textures, lighting, models, and the like, because the game is many generations behind the times, technically. The best parts of the entire presentation are the voice performances during the game’s story segments. If one could extract these and put them all together in one continuous video, it would be more worthwhile than actually playing the game. At least it’s possible to view them again in the Extras section.
My take-home message is this: do NOT buy this game if you aren’t a big fan of the show. There is absolutely nothing here for you. If you do enjoy the show, still do NOT buy it. Rent it for the few hours it takes to experience the game and watch the included episodes, then don’t think about it ever again.
